Monday, November 11, 2013

What's your love language?

"We're not talking comfort. We're talking love. Love is something we do for someone else. So often couples love one another but they aren't connecting. They are sincere, but sincerity isn't enough." - Dr Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 Love Languages.

I stumbled upon this article. It's an article based on Gary Chapman's book called The 5 Love Languages. Basically, Chapman gives the idea of how people express their love. Thing is, there are 5 different languages of love, and people can speak the same or totally different language with one and another. Those 5 languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Each person can have one (or two) primary languages, and those languages are ones they use to express their love and ones that can make them feel loved.

Actually, I've known this "5 languages" thing for a very long time. I remember I first read about this on my reading subject book (yes, reading subject) back when I was in college. But the article I put above (I suggest you to click it. Yes, click it away, baby) is very interesting. It sums up the whole thing very well, very clearly. Kudos to the writer.

Anyway, the article also leads me to the (I guess) official page of the 5 love languages itself. And what's more interesting? We can discover our own language by taking a quiz of 30 questions there. Yes, we can discover our love language, as well as our loved ones'.

And it got me thinking how important the language is.

There will be no problem if you and your loved ones (family, friends, spouse) speak the same language as you. But what if you both speak totally different languages? It's like you keep speaking in English, but they speak no English. No matter how hard you try to express your love, they won't get it. And you end up being sad, upset, or even angry. You may think they don't understand you or that you haven't been good enough to them. But in fact, it's not about that. It's just you should transfer what you speak into their language. If they speak Spanish, try to speak in Spanish.

I just fall in love with what Chapman says (as put on top of this post): "We're not talking comfort. We're talking love. Love is something we do for someone else. So often couples love one another but they aren't connecting. They are sincere, but sincerity isn't enough." Your language is English, so it's okay if when you try to speak in Spanish, you stammer, you find it discomforts you. But then, "love is something we do for someone else". Familiar to this saying: "Love is real when it's shared"? There's nothing wrong with trying to speak in Spanish so that your loved ones will get what you're trying to say.

But I'm gonna make a little bit of twist here.

Just because they speak Spanish, doesn't mean you should totally stop speaking English. After all, that's your own language, right? After all, there are English words that cannot fully replaced by Spanish words, right? You speak in Spanish to make them feel loved, yet you still keep speaking in English to express your love to the fullest. Sometimes you can teach them to speak in English too, so that they know what you are trying to say. Just combine them all. Be bilingual.

What a really interesting article with a nice topic there, anyway. Make me realize that love is indeed a sacrifice. Sometimes, we have to do things we don't enjoy just to make one we love feel loved. But the smile, the gratitude, and the happiness shared by the loved ones is too damn precious.

Yes it is.

I'd be more than honored to do that.

What about you? Do you love your loved ones enough to speak in their language?

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Grammar challenge: accepted.

"I don't judge people based on race, creed, colour or gender. I judge people based on spelling, grammar, punctuation and sentence structure." - A quote found on

When English is not your first language, things can get very messy.

I don't know how exactly this topic came to mind. Maybe it just annoys me a lot lately. I'm afraid I will sound patronizing, and I don't mean to. Please note that I'm just being annoyed and want to spit this out, hopefully, straight yet properly.

Well, I'm not really that judging-people-based-on-spelling-grammar-punctuation-and-sentence-structure person (I don't always use them correctly anyway, especially the last two things), though I admit, I sometimes judge people based on their *cough* English use. And by English use, I don't mean "how they use English". It's more about "how they think they use it". I won't necessarily point out their use on they're, their, there, whatsoever. I won't necessarily blabber about their spelling error and stuff. I also do some misspelling. I often use "and" and "but" after the full stop. I'm not good at the proper use of preposition. Being an English major student doesn't make me perfect because, geez, I'm just a learner. English isn't my first language either. It's just...

...there's a difference between messed up grammar and (too) messed up grammar.
If you know what I mean.

There's a thin line between messing up the grammar and messing up the grammar yet being sure that it's not really messed up (or being not so sure but going on anyway) and being overconfident about it. The thing is, I often find that second type of people who use English just the way they want to use it, with messed up grammar (and spelling) here and there, being overly (I repeat, overly) confident, wandering around facebook updates, tweets, and even blog posts, without realizing that it's highly (may I repeat, highly) annoying.

I'm talking about saying "she cans wait" instead of "she can wait".  (Really? Cans?)
Or the use of "ask for" and "ask about".
Or the exact pairing of a subject and its "to be". (I mean, "I" goes along well with "am", not "are".)
Yes, that kinda stuff. Combined with the overconfidence thingy.

I actually want to highlight the overconfidence thingy more. It hurts my heart. A question pops in my head: "Why? Why English?" (Really, I'm wondering)

And then, there's a grammar nazi.

You know it, right? When someone unacceptably correct the grammar and people think it's annoying, that someone will possibly be called a grammar nazi. I don't know where the term came from and who originally invented it, but all I can say is that he/she wasn't at Hitler's side.

I see why some people see some particular blunt grammar nazis as rude, annoying, always-think-they-are-right and who-do-they-think-they-are filthy creatures. Some are just being such a meanie, pointing out the errors and giving corrections right away. Or missing out the point of a statement and only focusing on the grammar instead.

I agree, they are annoying.

But I'm also torn here. I won't fully blame them (the grammar nazis) though, if they're facing the special cases. Yeah, (too) messed up grammar is also annoying as hell. Period.

The grammar violators and the grammar nazis; for me it's like a neverending circle. And yes, everyone deserves to be one, be it the violator or the nazi. It's just, there's something called "too much" and (oh I love this quote) Spice Girls clearly said "too much of something is bad enough".

Dear grammar violators, there is something called dictionary and google. Or spellcheck, whatever. Please do some research on the difference between "ask for" and "ask about" because they are extremely different.
And Dear grammar nazis, there is something called manner, something called context and situation, right and wrong place and/or condition. Something called "giving a correction when necessary". Something called "do it properly".

Oh well. I hope I'm not talking too much.

No hard feelings,