Thursday, July 18, 2013

A blogwalk to remember.

“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.”  - Ana├»s Nin

So last night, after months of absence, I finally posted on my blog; this blog. Apparently, it didn't stop there. I did some sort of blogwalking, on my own blogs (in case you don't know that I actually have more than one blogs. I know, I also wonder why I need more than one blogs when I can hardly update one. Lol). And I pretty much enjoyed it, reading my own posts, my own writings...

Don't get me wrong, I never consider myself as a good writer. Really. Sometimes I think I'm not that good at writing. Sometimes what comes to mind when I visit others' blogs is that why they can write. Why they blog very well, while I'm not sure mine is worth reading. Haha.

I still hope it is, though. I hope what I share will have something to do with you. I hope you can enjoy what I read. Right, I write because I want people to read...

...and because I want to read it, too.

And God, I'm glad I blog. I'm glad I transferred many moments I cherished into writings. Have I told you before that music is my time machine? So is my blog(s). It's amazing how I could once again feel what I feel back then. It's like experiencing it all over again. If writing means tasting my life twice, then reading my writings means tasting it for many many times.

I don't know if you may feel the way I do, but everytime I read my past writings, in a second I see how life seems to be much easier back then. Like there were fewer problems, just happiness. But then again, I guess I'm wrong. There weren't fewer problems, they just seem easier compared to today. There was happiness, but there was also sadness and other uneasy feelings, but thing is, I have walked through it. We're just more improved, (hopefully) better than who we were yesterday. That's why.

Lesson learned: whatever happens to you right now, this too, shall pass!

It's also amazing how I communicated with other bloggers through my posts, that simple comment section on each and every post. And as much as I think my writings are not that worth reading, I'm glad they are actually read. I love my readers! I love you all, bloggers! :') And my blog also reminds of those long lost friends, and I guess now I'm gonna start to reach them again.

I love this moment. The moment I re-read what I wrote, the past events, and how it affects me, my life. And how it can affect others too.

And of course, to remind me not to stop doing what I love. In this case: blogging.

*p.s my left thumb is still swollen and aching so bad. I'm gonna stop it here, for now*

Thanks for being a great reader :)


Random note of the week.

Dear Readers (if there's any, I kinda doubt it, but we have to be optimistic),

It feels good to be back. I've been so busy with work and study lately, and all fa-la-la stuff in life (ah, adulthood), and I barely remembered that I actually had a blog. What a shame. I know my previous post was in April (and it's July already), and even before April, I rarely blogged. There were times I blogged often, and as long as I remember, I really enjoyed those times.

Lesson learned: no matter how busy you are, never forget things that make you happy... never stop doing it.

Guess today (tonight/this very early morning), I'm going to share something may not worth reading (at all, I've warned you). Just want to post a random note; random note of the week.

Oh by the way, how's your week?
I find mine is pretty interesting, although it's still Wednesday (technically it's Thursday). Interesting in many ways. If this week were a painting, mine would be freaking colorful with emotions. It's full of sadness, heart-broken (mostly because the news of Cory Monteith - if you have no idea who he was, google it - sudden death. I'm a Gleek and some people may think I over react, but it is really heart breaking :( No more word left), anger, fatigue (it's been a very busy week that I'd love to call it a week though it's still Thursday), pain (literally, on my left thumb. I guess I sprained it without knowing when and how, and now it's swollen pretty bad), and so on.. so on.. but mostly,

for many many reasons, but what I want to share with you now (whoever you are) is this one:

it's because of someone.

I don't know if it sounds right or not, and I know we are supposed to be happy because ourselves allow us to be happy (wisdom much), but I do feel happy (if happy is the word) because of this person; this guy.

Ah well, I know I just want to write about him on my blog. I'm on fire, pardon me.

So we've been very close and doing a lot of talking in these past few months. He isn't a new guy in my life, apparently someone from the past who makes appearance again today, though honestly, in a way it feels new yet familiar to me. It feels like knowing someone for so long, yet the feeling is fresh and new... hard to explain!

I don't know what I actually feel about this, about him, all I know is that at the end of the day, I'll end up talking to him, talking about my day, his day, sharing things, and stuff. It feels like I can share everything without worrying about being judged.

He and I, we have history. We involved in each other's past. Now that we share our present, I'm kinda looking forward to the future.

So this is he. He was my schoolmate, my classmate, my puppy love, my first love, my first kiss, my very first boyfriend, my junior high sweetheart. I was (and always be) an extrovert, and for an introvert, he was pretty good at "handling" me. It was a 3-year relationship, which unfortunately the last 2 years was a long distance one. Being busy with new school, friends, activities, we were sort of separated at some point and walked our different directions. Then I met a new guy, he met a new girl, new relationships, break ups, make ups,... and we walked more far far away from each other. We barely talked and met, although we were in the same "click", same circle of friends.

And it lasted for 5 years. Can you believe it?

5 years and we were allowed to meet. At that time, I was dating someone, and he was too, dating someone. We were settled and (probably) happy. Anyway, we talked, caught up, filled in the blanks, found out what we had missed in the past 5 years of silence, cleared the air... and the sparks were there. And we walked a little bit too far...

...but hey, we couldn't miss out the detail which is that we were both in a relationship, could we?

And I started to believe that it was just a blast from the past, high school euphoria, and we should call it a day and go back to our own way.

Months after that, I broke up with my boyfriend and he was in an on-off relationship with his girlfriend. We talked sometimes, not much, not often, but everytime we talked, I knew there was something there. But we couldn't go too far, we just couldn't.

Fast forward to today, more or less 2 years after that "little reunion"...

And today, it feels like going back to the first time we talked after the 5-year silence, only now we are not dating anyone. We talk a lot now, catch up, fill in the blank, find out what we could miss, clear the air.. and the sparks are here, once again. And now we are walking further and further...

At this point, it feels like there's no man knows me better than him. I could hardly remember the days when we were not talking, really. It just feels so right, and eventhough I know I can be wrong, screw that, it still feels right.

Geez, do I sound cheesy? Do I sound like a girl from those romantic movies you would rate 1 out of 5?
Because for the first time in my life, I really really hope this could be something. And as much as it sounds naive, I kinda believe this is truly something. Oh, heart.

And that's how I sum up my week...