What's your love language?

"We're not talking comfort. We're talking love. Love is something we do for someone else. So often couples love one another but they aren't connecting. They are sincere, but sincerity isn't enough." - Dr Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 Love Languages.

I stumbled upon this article. It's an article based on Gary Chapman's book called The 5 Love Languages. Basically, Chapman gives the idea of how people express their love. Thing is, there are 5 different languages of love, and people can speak the same or totally different language with one and another. Those 5 languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Each person can have one (or two) primary languages, and those languages are ones they use to express their love and ones that can make them feel loved.

Actually, I've known this "5 languages" thing for a very long time. I remember I first read about this on my reading subject book (yes, reading subject) back when I was in college. But the article I put above (I suggest you to click it. Yes, click it away, baby) is very interesting. It sums up the whole thing very well, very clearly. Kudos to the writer.

Anyway, the article also leads me to the (I guess) official page of the 5 love languages itself. And what's more interesting? We can discover our own language by taking a quiz of 30 questions there. Yes, we can discover our love language, as well as our loved ones'.

And it got me thinking how important the language is.

There will be no problem if you and your loved ones (family, friends, spouse) speak the same language as you. But what if you both speak totally different languages? It's like you keep speaking in English, but they speak no English. No matter how hard you try to express your love, they won't get it. And you end up being sad, upset, or even angry. You may think they don't understand you or that you haven't been good enough to them. But in fact, it's not about that. It's just you should transfer what you speak into their language. If they speak Spanish, try to speak in Spanish.

I just fall in love with what Chapman says (as put on top of this post): "We're not talking comfort. We're talking love. Love is something we do for someone else. So often couples love one another but they aren't connecting. They are sincere, but sincerity isn't enough." Your language is English, so it's okay if when you try to speak in Spanish, you stammer, you find it discomforts you. But then, "love is something we do for someone else". Familiar to this saying: "Love is real when it's shared"? There's nothing wrong with trying to speak in Spanish so that your loved ones will get what you're trying to say.

But I'm gonna make a little bit of twist here.

Just because they speak Spanish, doesn't mean you should totally stop speaking English. After all, that's your own language, right? After all, there are English words that cannot fully replaced by Spanish words, right? You speak in Spanish to make them feel loved, yet you still keep speaking in English to express your love to the fullest. Sometimes you can teach them to speak in English too, so that they know what you are trying to say. Just combine them all. Be bilingual.

What a really interesting article with a nice topic there, anyway. Make me realize that love is indeed a sacrifice. Sometimes, we have to do things we don't enjoy just to make one we love feel loved. But the smile, the gratitude, and the happiness shared by the loved ones is too damn precious.

Yes it is.

I'd be more than honored to do that.

What about you? Do you love your loved ones enough to speak in their language?

Grammar challenge: accepted.

"I don't judge people based on race, creed, colour or gender. I judge people based on spelling, grammar, punctuation and sentence structure." - A quote found on someecards.com

When English is not your first language, things can get very messy.

I don't know how exactly this topic came to mind. Maybe it just annoys me a lot lately. I'm afraid I will sound patronizing, and I don't mean to. Please note that I'm just being annoyed and want to spit this out, hopefully, straight yet properly.

Well, I'm not really that judging-people-based-on-spelling-grammar-punctuation-and-sentence-structure person (I don't always use them correctly anyway, especially the last two things), though I admit, I sometimes judge people based on their *cough* English use. And by English use, I don't mean "how they use English". It's more about "how they think they use it". I won't necessarily point out their use on they're, their, there, whatsoever. I won't necessarily blabber about their spelling error and stuff. I also do some misspelling. I often use "and" and "but" after the full stop. I'm not good at the proper use of preposition. Being an English major student doesn't make me perfect because, geez, I'm just a learner. English isn't my first language either. It's just...

...there's a difference between messed up grammar and (too) messed up grammar.
If you know what I mean.

There's a thin line between messing up the grammar and messing up the grammar yet being sure that it's not really messed up (or being not so sure but going on anyway) and being overconfident about it. The thing is, I often find that second type of people who use English just the way they want to use it, with messed up grammar (and spelling) here and there, being overly (I repeat, overly) confident, wandering around facebook updates, tweets, and even blog posts, without realizing that it's highly (may I repeat, highly) annoying.

I'm talking about saying "she cans wait" instead of "she can wait".  (Really? Cans?)
Or the use of "ask for" and "ask about".
Or the exact pairing of a subject and its "to be". (I mean, "I" goes along well with "am", not "are".)
Yes, that kinda stuff. Combined with the overconfidence thingy.

I actually want to highlight the overconfidence thingy more. It hurts my heart. A question pops in my head: "Why? Why English?" (Really, I'm wondering)

And then, there's a grammar nazi.

You know it, right? When someone unacceptably correct the grammar and people think it's annoying, that someone will possibly be called a grammar nazi. I don't know where the term came from and who originally invented it, but all I can say is that he/she wasn't at Hitler's side.

I see why some people see some particular blunt grammar nazis as rude, annoying, always-think-they-are-right and who-do-they-think-they-are filthy creatures. Some are just being such a meanie, pointing out the errors and giving corrections right away. Or missing out the point of a statement and only focusing on the grammar instead.

I agree, they are annoying.

But I'm also torn here. I won't fully blame them (the grammar nazis) though, if they're facing the special cases. Yeah, (too) messed up grammar is also annoying as hell. Period.

The grammar violators and the grammar nazis; for me it's like a neverending circle. And yes, everyone deserves to be one, be it the violator or the nazi. It's just, there's something called "too much" and (oh I love this quote) Spice Girls clearly said "too much of something is bad enough".

Dear grammar violators, there is something called dictionary and google. Or spellcheck, whatever. Please do some research on the difference between "ask for" and "ask about" because they are extremely different.
And Dear grammar nazis, there is something called manner, something called context and situation, right and wrong place and/or condition. Something called "giving a correction when necessary". Something called "do it properly".

Oh well. I hope I'm not talking too much.

No hard feelings,

A random note. A totally random one.

*As seen on my tumblr. Yes, because random notes originally belong to tumblr and tumblr only.

Wise men say, we all should be more focus on and be grateful for what we have rather than what we don't have. I would say that that much is true, under the so called normal circumstances. Sometimes, at some point in our life, we are just not that "normal". Sometimes we feel so fed up and life is being too harsh, throwing not only a lemon but TONS of it; upsized. And maybe those tons of giant lemon are thrown right into our eyes so we can't see what we have anymore. That's true, sometimes we are just so fcuked up that we are actually in that kind of situation.

Maybe we need to change our mind a bit. Maybe this sound a bit evil-ish, but try to see others' problems. Everybody, as long as they're human (and alive) got their own problem, right? Maybe we should start to compare how their life could be a lot messier than ours and be grateful because we are NOT in their situation (and people say comparing is not good huh?)

I know, it sounds so mean (I don't suggest you to do it out loud anyway), but hey... that may heal our eyes (remember the giant lemons I told you earlier) and start seeing what we have and focus on that and be grateful for that. Probably we all just should start shouting to one and another "Whoa your problem is way BIGGER than mine!" (what did I say?)

And being compared isn't too bad either. I mean, it could be one nice thing we can do for others. It's just like saying to them "So you think your life's a mess? Come here, take a look at mine!" and start blabbering about our problems that they don't have. And make them say "Ah, it feels great that I'm not you". Making others happy is happiness, right? But, don't we forget to get back on track (by track: listing out others' problems that we DON'T have) or else we'll get depressed later on.

Oh yes, reality is overrated, my friends. We are not living those ideal wisdom-and-great-quote kind of life. At least, not always...

Scrolling down my own Facebook page.

Yes, I've just done the pettiest thing someone could do. Or maybe not. I know, I've always said that blog and music are my two time machines. Apparently, there's one more: a Facebook page.

Okay, you may say "who's still on Facebook?" (I am, sometimes), but you have to admit that almost  everyone (except the hipsters -- which I still believe they actually had it once before it's too cool) have a Facebook page. Yes it's all about the status updates, the photo albums, the tagged updates, the tagged photos you don't approve because it's not your profile-picture-perfect kinda pic, the old friends, the new friends, the long lost friends, the always-there friends, the strangers that become friends, the strangers that remind strangers yet you still keep, and even the archnemesis whom you let straying around on your page because you secretly want their updates PLUS you want to brag a bit about your life to them... HA! (not that I'm doing that lol).

Now, with those people and posts and photos and videos (and everything in between) gathered in one media, perfectly sorted by dates, plus an easy way to access it (as you can jump from one year to another through the so called 'timeline'), what can you get? Yes, dear friends, a TIME-MACHINE. WOO-HOO!

See, try it sometimes. Just sometimes. See how much things have changed. See how much YOU have changed. Those past relationships that make you think how fool you were, those friends you used to keep in touch with, those wise words you put on your status updates that make you wonder how you were so wise back then (yes it happens) and stuff... See, recall, and learn. Isn't it amazing how you can realize that time grows and learn life lessons through Facebook? (doesn't come out right but yeah you know what I mean)

And the best part is that you can always delete some unnecessary posts, yet it won't affect your present. (Or maybe, a bit)

The time traveler,

The X-File: Y X?

"I can't help but feel a sense of envy that she had him before me, and he had feelings for her. Feelings that were supposed to be exclusively for me." - Jen Kim, The Power of the Ex-girlfriend

So I stumbled upon this interesting article this morning (yes, you can click it away). It's called "The Power of the Ex-girlfriend" (don't ask me how I found this article), and as much as I think the title sounds creepy, I'm glad somebody spit this topic out in a blunt (yet fun) way. I'm glad there's somebody (and now I'm pretty sure there are many of them) who feels exactly what I feel about that highly annoying alphabet: X. More to add: the boyfriend's X.

You can go there and read it yourself, and perhaps nod your head several times (like I did) and cheer because jealousy is both normal and abnormal. It's so human, and so consuming as well. And the way you feed it affects the level of insecurity you grow in your body, mind, and soul.

There are 4 specific points that the author, Jen Kim, pointed out as "thoughts she has compiled over the years" about this ex-girlfriend thingy. I might as well conclude them as jealousy, insecurity, delusion, and pure ego. I found one intriguing statement (and put it right at the beginning of this post) that slapped me right in the face. (with some addition to that: and she had stolen his family's heart away, pretty much involved in many of his family events, pictures et cetera et cetera blah blah blah).

I may compile the compile thoughts, I guess I will put it this way:

"it's all about running an imaginary competition"

in which the question will be:

"how can I compete with her?"

And here's the big news: it's p-o-i-n-t-less POINTLESS. And if you keep involving in such competition, it will end up being ENDLESS, unless you realize another intriguing thing Kim stated: "what's interesting about these obsessions is that they usually last only as long as the relationship with the boyfriend lasts."

The thing is, would you let this one tiny little unimportant ex-girlfriend be such a powerful wonderwoman or what? Letting her indirectly ruining your relationship? Na-ah.

What is so amazing about past is that it may affect some details at your present, but it will NEVER EVER be your present.

Until you realize that one question has only one answer: Y X? Because it's your mind clinging too hard onto the past and wandering too far creating such wild imagination, that's Y.

my own made insecurity speaking;

A blogwalk to remember.

“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.”  - Anaïs Nin

So last night, after months of absence, I finally posted on my blog; this blog. Apparently, it didn't stop there. I did some sort of blogwalking, on my own blogs (in case you don't know that I actually have more than one blogs. I know, I also wonder why I need more than one blogs when I can hardly update one. Lol). And I pretty much enjoyed it, reading my own posts, my own writings...

Don't get me wrong, I never consider myself as a good writer. Really. Sometimes I think I'm not that good at writing. Sometimes what comes to mind when I visit others' blogs is that why they can write. Why they blog very well, while I'm not sure mine is worth reading. Haha.

I still hope it is, though. I hope what I share will have something to do with you. I hope you can enjoy what I read. Right, I write because I want people to read...

...and because I want to read it, too.

And God, I'm glad I blog. I'm glad I transferred many moments I cherished into writings. Have I told you before that music is my time machine? So is my blog(s). It's amazing how I could once again feel what I feel back then. It's like experiencing it all over again. If writing means tasting my life twice, then reading my writings means tasting it for many many times.

I don't know if you may feel the way I do, but everytime I read my past writings, in a second I see how life seems to be much easier back then. Like there were fewer problems, just happiness. But then again, I guess I'm wrong. There weren't fewer problems, they just seem easier compared to today. There was happiness, but there was also sadness and other uneasy feelings, but thing is, I have walked through it. We're just more improved, (hopefully) better than who we were yesterday. That's why.

Lesson learned: whatever happens to you right now, this too, shall pass!

It's also amazing how I communicated with other bloggers through my posts, that simple comment section on each and every post. And as much as I think my writings are not that worth reading, I'm glad they are actually read. I love my readers! I love you all, bloggers! :') And my blog also reminds of those long lost friends, and I guess now I'm gonna start to reach them again.

I love this moment. The moment I re-read what I wrote, the past events, and how it affects me, my life. And how it can affect others too.

And of course, to remind me not to stop doing what I love. In this case: blogging.

*p.s my left thumb is still swollen and aching so bad. I'm gonna stop it here, for now*

Thanks for being a great reader :)

Love,

Random note of the week.

Dear Readers (if there's any, I kinda doubt it, but we have to be optimistic),

It feels good to be back. I've been so busy with work and study lately, and all fa-la-la stuff in life (ah, adulthood), and I barely remembered that I actually had a blog. What a shame. I know my previous post was in April (and it's July already), and even before April, I rarely blogged. There were times I blogged often, and as long as I remember, I really enjoyed those times.

Lesson learned: no matter how busy you are, never forget things that make you happy... never stop doing it.

Guess today (tonight/this very early morning), I'm going to share something may not worth reading (at all, I've warned you). Just want to post a random note; random note of the week.

Oh by the way, how's your week?
I find mine is pretty interesting, although it's still Wednesday (technically it's Thursday). Interesting in many ways. If this week were a painting, mine would be freaking colorful with emotions. It's full of sadness, heart-broken (mostly because the news of Cory Monteith - if you have no idea who he was, google it - sudden death. I'm a Gleek and some people may think I over react, but it is really heart breaking :( No more word left), anger, fatigue (it's been a very busy week that I'd love to call it a week though it's still Thursday), pain (literally, on my left thumb. I guess I sprained it without knowing when and how, and now it's swollen pretty bad), and so on.. so on.. but mostly,

happiness,
for many many reasons, but what I want to share with you now (whoever you are) is this one:

it's because of someone.

I don't know if it sounds right or not, and I know we are supposed to be happy because ourselves allow us to be happy (wisdom much), but I do feel happy (if happy is the word) because of this person; this guy.

Ah well, I know I just want to write about him on my blog. I'm on fire, pardon me.

So we've been very close and doing a lot of talking in these past few months. He isn't a new guy in my life, apparently someone from the past who makes appearance again today, though honestly, in a way it feels new yet familiar to me. It feels like knowing someone for so long, yet the feeling is fresh and new... hard to explain!

I don't know what I actually feel about this, about him, all I know is that at the end of the day, I'll end up talking to him, talking about my day, his day, sharing things, and stuff. It feels like I can share everything without worrying about being judged.

He and I, we have history. We involved in each other's past. Now that we share our present, I'm kinda looking forward to the future.

So this is he. He was my schoolmate, my classmate, my puppy love, my first love, my first kiss, my very first boyfriend, my junior high sweetheart. I was (and always be) an extrovert, and for an introvert, he was pretty good at "handling" me. It was a 3-year relationship, which unfortunately the last 2 years was a long distance one. Being busy with new school, friends, activities, we were sort of separated at some point and walked our different directions. Then I met a new guy, he met a new girl, new relationships, break ups, make ups,... and we walked more far far away from each other. We barely talked and met, although we were in the same "click", same circle of friends.

And it lasted for 5 years. Can you believe it?

5 years and we were allowed to meet. At that time, I was dating someone, and he was too, dating someone. We were settled and (probably) happy. Anyway, we talked, caught up, filled in the blanks, found out what we had missed in the past 5 years of silence, cleared the air... and the sparks were there. And we walked a little bit too far...

...but hey, we couldn't miss out the detail which is that we were both in a relationship, could we?

And I started to believe that it was just a blast from the past, high school euphoria, and we should call it a day and go back to our own way.

Months after that, I broke up with my boyfriend and he was in an on-off relationship with his girlfriend. We talked sometimes, not much, not often, but everytime we talked, I knew there was something there. But we couldn't go too far, we just couldn't.

Fast forward to today, more or less 2 years after that "little reunion"...

And today, it feels like going back to the first time we talked after the 5-year silence, only now we are not dating anyone. We talk a lot now, catch up, fill in the blank, find out what we could miss, clear the air.. and the sparks are here, once again. And now we are walking further and further...

At this point, it feels like there's no man knows me better than him. I could hardly remember the days when we were not talking, really. It just feels so right, and eventhough I know I can be wrong, screw that, it still feels right.

Geez, do I sound cheesy? Do I sound like a girl from those romantic movies you would rate 1 out of 5?
Because for the first time in my life, I really really hope this could be something. And as much as it sounds naive, I kinda believe this is truly something. Oh, heart.

And that's how I sum up my week...

Love,

Well, Honey, the truth is ugly.

Originally posted on my facebook notes, long long time ago.

There's nothing wrong with the words 'hope' and 'wait'. Despite the fact that they waste our energy, both teach us a great lesson in life: how to be patient.

One that I missed, my greater mistake - I can say, is that I forgot to prepare for the worst. At least, I almost forget it. Nobody wants to wait in vain, nobody wants to end up failing. Well, nobody wants to falling slowly - wait in vain and end up failing. But still, there's something we should not forget:

The fact that the truth is ugly.

The ugly truth; when something is seen not as it actually is. The truth is not as fine as we think. Deep inside, we know that the ugly truth does exist, but, when our hope is so high, we try hard to ignore it. Why? Because we're hoping; we hope for a happy ending; we have no time to think about how the truth can be so ugly and - of course - hurt. It's people around us who can remind us, most likely.

Now, in cases of waiting for - let's say - someone, we may see signs or, on the other hand, we may see no sign at all. We may come with many thoughts which we are really sure or just guessing. We may try to predict what may happen. But one thing, don't forget that somehow the truth is ugly.

I - personally - have just realized how there are too many possibilities. I just can't believe that someone told me the worst possibility - which really makes sense - that has been my best possibility so far. He turned it upside down, and how shocking that it actually can be that way. So logical and possible.
Well, my best possibility can also be the worst possibility.

No, it doesn't mean I will always think the worst from now on. If so, I'd better stop waiting and hoping. No. Guess I still have the energy. I want to see how long and how far I can go, but one thing, I won't miss that thing again, not anymore:

preparing for the worst.
Cause the truth is so ugly... :")
Can be.

p.s.
Love this line "If he's worth the wait, then wait." Is he? I am still asking to myself though.
And the confusing part is, I'm asking while waiting. hahaha.

That one guy.

*originally posted on my facebook notes*

It's almost 1 am and I'm still wide awake. Despite the long and tiring (but fun) day and night I just had, I don't feel tired at all. Well maybe a bit :p

Anyway, one thought suddenly goes through my mind. Nah, it's actually being running through my mind lately. Seems like I'm having a moment to share it. I just feel like writing it down.

So, I know this guy from high school. We were once classmates. He was... what to put it ya? Hmm. Smart. Yup, he was smart (and I believe he still is). And unlike most "smart people" I know (and unlike what common belief states), he was not a quiet guy. He was sort of, you know, talkative. He talked much. He said what he wanted to say. Probably it was also why sometimes he had been mistaken. Some people took him as a "smartass". Or maybe they were just pissed because when he talked, he sort of blew their mind. Or maybe he was just right.

There you go. Maybe it would sound a little bit too personal, but I did think he was (almost) always right. Sometimes it irritated me, but sometimes it's just because he was right. Again everytime he talked to me, he blew my mind. He and I were pretty close. We talked a lot (define 'a lot'). We shared a lot. And with an addition of a bit of this and that, bamm, I sort of had a crush on him.. or a fling, name it (Geez. Just an old story, isn't it? Lol), lasted until we moved to the next grade, which made us not a classmate anymore (boo!)

We didn't talk that much anymore. The moments were gone, so was the fling. But we still remained friends (of course, duh), and by friends, we still got to see each other at some particular school events and stuff (this is pretty lame, but I hardly remember how and when.. I guess we both were in the school board or something :p) And so on, so on,.. until we graduated, until we completely didn't get to see each other. By the way, he went to a university out of town, and so did I. Different universities, different cities.

Months after the graduation day, we got a chance to meet again. I don't remember how, but he was in town. We arranged a meet up (with some other high school friends that happened to be in town as well). It was years ago, kinda blurry, but one thing I most remember is that I was in my lowest point. Just as I said before, it was months after graduation, and we just entered the university life- a first year university student. Things were all new; fun and, at the same time, scary. Good but tough, if you know what I mean. And there was also something 'else', a problem that brought me to my "darkest moment" (at least that's what I felt back then). And I met him. I met him at that particular time.

Oh, and this is also one thing I like about him, he does care. He cares about his friends. I just like how someone asks simple questions about how - "how are you?" "how you doing?" "how's thing going?" and stuff. He's that type of guy.

So yeah, I ended up telling him EVERYTHING. We talked a lot, for hours. And again, he blew my mind. As he did back when we were high school. As he always did. He gave me some advice. More than that, he gave me some insight. Normally, I would just have lots to argue, but not with this guy.

After that, we only talked through social media; once in a while. We had never meet each other again...

...not until a few days ago, literally. And he has changed a lot. Not in a bad kinda way, more like "he has grown up much". But one thing that has never changed: he still blows my mind..

Moral of the story? Umm.. not sure if there's any. But one question: in life, do you have this one (or two, maybe three) particular person who always, may I repeat, ALWAYS, blows your mind everytime he/she talks to you? It is something like "Well, true.. right.. yes.. I do feel it too.. Right.. Damn right.." Do you? Apparently I do, and I think I have some. And that one guy is one of them.

Ah, you know who you are :)

I hate you. No offense.

I really hate it when someone starts to add "no offense" to their opinion, mostly in an argument, in an opinion which clearly is intended to against other's opinion. Gahh! I hate the words! No offense? really?

As for me, "no offense" is just another way to say "I offend you but I don't want to sound like a bad person". It's sarcastic and mean. It's such a weapon. It's like a virus, because it can infects other words, and eventhough you will put a smiley face after that, that smiley face will look like an evil smirk to me.

"No offense" is just full of sarcasm. It actually makes it clear that the person offends you. And I know that this sound a bit too personal, but when someone uses "no offense", it seems to me that they think they're right, as if their opinion is what matters the most.

Thus, "no offense" to me is so offensive. Cut it off, baby, just cut it off.

Choosing or falling?

"Often, we fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time." - unknown

Found that particular quote while scrolling down my Twitter timeline, and my first response was "true that". I remember that someone ever told me that the term "falling in love" was wrong. He said that we chose to love. And I was like, "really?"

I mean, do we choose it? Choose is an active verb. We can choose because we have choices; we have options. I don't think that's the case of love. Love is something unexpected. It simply comes out of nowhere. Most of the time, we are not really sure how, when, and why it all begins. It just happens.

Besides, love is an abstract thing. People say that it's like wind: we cannot see and touch it, yet we can feel it. As for me, I can't quite define what love is. What is love? What we should feel so that we can be considered as "being in love"? If love itself is hard to define, how can one even 'choose' to love? Really?

I still believe that being in love is something that happens 'accidentally'. Yes, falling; that's the word.

*put any emoticon here*

"People change. Feelings change. It doesn't mean that the love once shared wasn't true and real. It simply just means that sometimes when people grow, they grow apart." - (500) days of summer.

There's a guy. He was my bestfriend. "Was", because sadly I don't know where we stand now. We used to talk a lot. We used to share almost everything. We completed each other's sentences. We called each other bestfriends. Because of something, I guess we are falling apart; drifting away from each other. I don't know what that "something" exactly is, though.

See, the worst feeling ever isn't not being able to talk to the one you used to talk to, but not knowing how, why, and since when it all happened. We now barely talk; it seems to me that he even avoids me. And yup, I don't know how and why and since when it all began.

Many questions are running through my head, and I keeps assuming. I know, why don't I just ask? That will make things clearer, won't it? Gah. Not a chance. Not an answer. I even started to believe that he himself doesn't know what's going on.

All I know that he keeps messing with my head. In some points, I know there's something wrong with him, with us. But in some points, he can come and make everything looks pretty normal, before it's back abnormal again the other day.

Yesterday, I stumbled upon this one particular quote. It said "sometimes you just outgrow people. Don't try to fix it or repair it, just accept it and move on." Dang! As if a million knives had just been stabbed to my back, it hurt. So much.

Over and over again, I've been trying to fix things up; mending my friendship with him. The worst part is I don't even know what I'm trying to fix. I always thought that there's something left, eventhough it's just a tiny little piece of us. I keep asking myself why; keep assuming how. I keep trying to take back what I had yesterday, despite the fact that it has been gone away. He keeps messing with my head, and mostly because I let him to. *sigh

Well yeah, I guess sometimes we just outgrow people. No need to ask why. People who meant to stay in our life will stay eventually, but those who don't will leave, sooner or later. No matter how precious he is. No matter how much he means to me. No matter how my heart and head keep telling me that he's the one.

I just miss him so much. End of conversation.