Sunday, February 27, 2011

The (evergreen) love.

"I don't know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late." - Sophie, Letters to Juliet.

Speaking about true love and soulmate, I think it's the most mysterious thing in the world. It's wonderful, pleasant thing to talk about, and even dream about, yet it's enigmatic. How can we know when we'll find our true love? How can we be sure that it's the one, the true love? How can we be sure that it's the one who's being with us right now? How can we know that it's not somebody else, somewhere else, and it's just a matter of time we'll meet each other? Probably it's someone in the past, someone next to us, or someone we'll meet in the future like probably 10 years from now. Who knows, but God? And when will God let us know?

True love is something inexplicable, abstract and complicated. We can't put it into words and just read it aloud. People say that it's something to feel, most of the time, it's indescribable. How can we be sure that what we feels is a true love?

It is said that God made us meet some wrong people before we eventually meet the right one. In that case, the right one is the last person we fall for the rest of our life. Now how does it sound? Sounds like a lifetime search, doesn't it? Because as long as we still alive, chances are we're gonna meet the true love someday, and it's probably the one we had never think of.. or not the one we're being together with.

Now it's scary and uncanny, isn't it?

Yet, it's still wonderful. It gives us hope and dream.
For those who feel lonely of not finding their true love just yet, there's time.
And for those who think that they have already found it, there's faith.

And that's how true love brings something to pray about.

Implicitly said.

Have you ever noticed that many many times we say things implicitly? It's like when your mother tells you that the dinner is ready and you answer "I'm not hungry". It's like when your friends ask you to hang out together and you say that you've got lots of work to do. Well, they seem not to be connected to each other right? But they make a meaningful conversation though.

Sometimes saying things implicitly is good, especially when it will sound so harsh if you say it explicitly right away. Yeah, I said "sometimes", so it implicitly means that another "sometimes" is the opposite. It can lead you into trouble, either it's you who say things implicitly or it's you who try to figure out the implicit meaning from a discourse.

First of all, my friends, it will lead you into trouble if people don't really get what you really mean. You know what I mean. Saying things implicitly sometimes leads to an unexpected response because people don't get what you want to say because you say it implicitly. For example, you say "oh yeah I love Justin Bieber" to your friend who has a great admiration towards the Bieber's boy while you yourself just want to be cynical. If your friend don't get what you mean, you'll end up sitting listening to them blabbering about the Bieber's boy. And the voice will stay on your head for weeks that you can hardly hear your own voice. It's all because you were being implicitly cynical. It's fun to do as long as people get it, I'm telling you.

Second of all, if you, yes you, are the one who try to figure out implicit things from almost every discourse then you'll get screwed up. Well, unless you do it for your linguistic research paper. Although you're probably right, you're just screwed up. One example. A friend of mine, let's call her Unknown, does too much analysis towards his boyfriend's sayings. It's like every single line means something.. implicitly. And if her boyfriend tells her that he really does not mean it that way, she won't easily buy it. Chances are her boyfriend does not mean it consciously, but deep inside his subconscious mind, he does mean it. Although she's probably right and most of time she just exaggerates it and overreacts, it leads to something not good. Most of the time is in form of a pointless debate that may reduce her to tears. Well, told you, it's one of my friends' story; not mine.

Yeah, my friends. World is full of many implicit things. It's just, not everything is implicit.

And you may intend to say things implicitly, but if people don't get that you're trying to say things implicitly, what's the point? Although you're not trying to say things directly because you're trying to say it implicitly, but if people still don't get the real meaning, you fail of saying things implicitly. Because it's called implicit if you say it implicitly and people can get it.

Getting confused? I'm outta here.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Let's make mistake.

"So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not." - Lily Aldrin, How I Met Your Mother.

Sometimes I hate the words "do not do this" or "do not do that", especially when there is no further explanation about "why". And yeah, sometimes I hate myself for saying those words to myself just because I'm afraid that the result will be disappointing. I mean, who am I to judge whether what I'm going to do is a mistake or not. What if it's not? And though in the end it is, at least I won't spend my whole life wondering "what if".

I guess as long as I can't google it and find that what I'm gonna do next will positively bring me to death because I'm about to consume such a dangerous poisonous lethal chemical subtances.. I'd better find out whether it's a mistake or not. Hey that's life.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

While I'm blogging.

Do you have any special song that when you listen to it, your heart will race and your mind will travel to somewhere in the past? It will bring back some memories that you won't forget because it's either too beautiful or too painful. Whatever feelings you have towards it, doesn't matter because it's attached on your mind, and most of the time it's hidden until a significant song brings it to the surface.

I do have those songs, and you can find two of them by visiting a friend of mine's blog here. Sometimes I just visit her blog to listen to the songs, let them play, and I'll continue blogging while being tickled by the songs. There are some reasons why I don't put them on my own playlist; either on my own blog or my computer. One of the reasons is when I listen to them through my friend's blog, It will exactly bring back some certain scenes from the past which can't be replayed anywhere but my mind. I want to let them be just the way they are.

Uncanny, isn't it?

My empire state of mind.

"Empire State of Mind" Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys

To love and being loved this way.

"You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man and lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy, humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language and shoddy cursive I've been reading
You're style is quite selective though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests that this is just what happiness is

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you can call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
Cause here we are, here we are

Although you are biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick and probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy, depending on how you take these words
I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

But it's a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And the kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt
Cause here, here we are
Here we are

We're still here

And it's a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes

And through timeless words and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds not of this earth
And tides may turn and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But it's so nice today, oh the wait was so worth it"

A Beautiful Mess - Jason Mraz

That's one of my favorite songs, despite the fact that mraz's songs are all my favorite. The melody is nice and warm. And the lyric is charming. It's about one who loves someone unconditionally. He knows that his spouse is not a flawless human being. He knows that she's a hard one. She's a living contradiction; she's beautiful yet messy. They sometimes find that it's hard to maintain their relationship; it's hard to stay in it due to some issues. But then, they can overcome every obstacle. They believe that it is worth the struggle.

Stay when it's hard to stay, love when it seems impossible to love, go on when everything and everyone tells you to stop, and keep trying when everything and everyone tells you to give up. It's just so sweet and nice to love and being loved that way, isn't it?

Do I need a totem?

Have you watched Inception? It's one of Nolan's genius arts that completely blows my mind. It's about a group of people who enter someone's dream in order to steal some information. They build and create some certain plots and thoughts and 'incept' them into their target's dream. There, they can get whatever information they need through their target's subconscious mind. Sometimes they get into a layered dream, dream within dream, that may confuse them to unravel the dream itself. Therefore, they need a 'totem'. It's an object used to tell them whether they're dreaming or not based on its behavior. It will act differently in the dream world, like for example Mal's (one of the character there) totem won't stop spinning. If it stops, Mal is not dreaming. Later the totem is owned by his husband, Cobb.

Dream and reality always stand side by side. We dream because there's reality. And reality is there to encourage us to pursue our dream.. or there to ruin and destroy it. They can be either angelic or evil, depends on how we see them. Sometimes people can be so scared of dream and reality; and it's simply because dream is not real and most of the time, reality is not as kind as dream.

And sometimes I feel like living in my dream. It's the world as I see it; it exists based on my faith. Sometimes I dream so hard that I put my faith on that dream and I consider it as reality; thus I believe that it is real. The border between dream and reality seems so hazy. I believe that my faith is never wrong, and by saying it.. that's the faith. Sometimes a part of me says that I'm just dreaming while another says that it's real.

And sometimes I see reality as a dream. Sometimes it seems too good to be true, or vice versa, it seems so mean that I believe that's not real. Sometimes I just don't believe something does happen. Sometimes I'll go back to what I consider as my 'reality' and leave the so-called reality behind. Sometimes reality is too unacceptable; not real enough to be real.

Sometimes I stand in between; dream and reality seems calling me to take sides. Then the questions are here. How we define dream and reality? How we separate them when dream seems so real and reality seems so fake? How we know that reality is real while the other is fake? Or should we just let them be whatever we think they are?

It's inexplicable. I need to be told whether I'm dreaming or not. I need a totem.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

They seem so real; I am not.

This approximately 2-month holiday has made me a TV-series frenzy, and one of my favorites (currently my most favorite) is How I Met Your Mother. It's an American situation comedy about a group of friends who live in New York City. However, I'm not gonna tell you about the show. It's just, as I frequently watch the show, I'm so stick to it that I'm not sure my life is real.

It's like everytime I watch the show, I can easily forget the so-called reality. I will forget about what I actually feel that moment, including the feeling of devastation, being overwhelmed, depression, anguish.. name it. They seem to go away; it's just me and those Tv series.

Does everything sound being hyperbolized now? Probably it's because it is television, where reality and dream are blended. They're based on real life, but sometimes real life is not as kind as it is on screen. And sometimes, that's life what I want, indeed.

I know I don't live on screen, they do. But why now they seem so real; I am not? Thank God holiday is almost over so that I can completely go back to my real business.. Can't I?
Or it's just sometimes I need it as a sweet sweet escape from this mean world?

What if we had never asked this?

"Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind." - C.S. Lewis

What's it with what if + past perfect tense? They build a scary question. Why it should exist? Why we ask ourselves 'what if' plus thing we had done or had never done? Why we ask somebody else 'what if' plus thing they had done or had never done? Why we ask life this question? It's a never-ending question wrapped in an unsolved enigma. We would get nothing but regret. Then we would just waste our time thinking why we did or never did this and that... and what's the point of that? Wishing time-travel were real?

Life is a complicated huge maze with many doors, and time is a horrifying big monster who's chasing you wherever you go. You can just stand still, going nowhere, and let the monster eat you alive. Or you may pick one of those doors when you know that every door will always lead you somewhere; you just don't have any idea where it will lead you. Spreading that past-perfect-what-if question means betraying your decision. It's like staring at those doors behind you while you're having others right in front of you. Run, baby, run! Time is running after you and you're just standing wondering 'what if' you had chosen another door? You're screwed. It's past perfect; it's completely perfectly done in the past and you just can't go back.

This question is useless; an absolute nonsense. What do you expect? Firstly, it would never change what you've been through. And secondly, you would never know.

We would never know.

As though it's easy to let it go?
That's my current question. "What if I had never asked this?"